The Discipleship Dilemma
Self-Knowledge: Formative or Foolish?
Hey there and welcome to our new subscribers this week. The Soil & Roots community here on Substack continues to grow, and it’s a tremendous encouragement to me that you take the time to read and digest these thoughts on deep discipleship. And for those of you who email with comments and questions, keep them coming!
If you’re new or want to review some of the earlier posts related to our journey, jump back to this post on The Great Omission and move ahead article by article at your own pace. Also, I provided a short Cliffs Notes summary of our meanderings so far in last week’s article.
We’ve spent some time contrasting The Great Omission (the condition of modern Christianity in which we talk about making disciples but struggle to do it) with “deep discipleship.”
A deep disciple wrestles with the layers of the heart beneath our belief statements - the realm of ideas and desires, a wonderfully rich yet generally untouched strata of the human soul.
An idea is an assumption, concept, or principle in which our hearts are rooted, but of which we’re generally unaware. Ideas aren’t so much intellectual statements as they are experienced realities.
This is not the customary way we think or talk about discipleship (spiritual formation), yet the bedrock of our hearts is where Jesus loves to invite us to explore.
This lack of deep discipleship results not only in inner disconnection, disintegration, and quietly wondering if there’s more to the Christian life, but also in social, cultural, and even national decay and decline.
The Discipleship Dilemma
Ah, The Discipleship Dilemma! It’s one of the Three Primary Problems getting in the way of our spiritual formation. It’s an idea that works subtly at the base of our hearts, yet it quietly erodes our identity and impedes our journey to become more like Jesus.
To become more like someone else, we need to know two people well: the other person and ourselves. It’s a concept called “double knowledge” and it’s implicit in virtually every intentionally formative human experience.
For example, if you join the military you’re embarking on a journey designed to transform you from a civilian into a soldier. At least in this part of the world, the military doesn’t accept just anyone. They assess you to determine if you possess the raw material they need. Double knowledge: the military knows the end result for which they’re looking and they learn enough about potential candidates to determine if you’re a fit.
Also in regards to self-knowledge, it’s generally desired and encouraged in our jobs. Employment is a formative experience involving community-building, training, and skill development. Depending on the role, a current or potential employer may ask you to take a series of assessment tests (Kolbe A, Strengthsfinder, Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, and so forth) to determine characteristics about you. Some churches use a spiritual gifts assessment to help people determine areas they may be naturally wired to serve.
Self-knowledge is implicit and necessary for anyone engaging in any formative experience.
So if we desire to be formed more like Jesus, self-knowledge is essential to that journey.
Yet in many modern strains of Christianity, the intentional exploration of self is ignored or condemned. Taking time and effort to understand your story, genuine desires, wounds, behaviors, thought patterns, relationship development, and the ideas that govern you is considered a waste of time, selfish, or even sinful.
Thus the dilemma. Deep discipleship involves the difficult and sometimes painful work of exploring the bedrock of our hearts, though many of us have no communities, training, or permission to engage in that work, and we may even be made to feel guilty if we attempt to explore our inner lives.
Ironically, the few groups where self-exploration is vital and expected are addiction recovery efforts such as AA or Celebrate Recovery. These organizations acknowledge and accept that a key element to health and healing is deepening our understanding of our relationships and stories. Though aren’t we all addicted to something?
Don’t Follow Your Heart?
The idea that self-knowledge (and, by extension, self-care) is inherently “bad” shows up in all sorts of euphemisms and behaviors. “Fix your eyes on Jesus.” “Die to self.” “The heart is more deceitful than anything else and is desperately sick. Who can understand it?”
It’s good and right to fix our eyes on Jesus and dying to self is necessary for our discipleship (though the phrase requires careful definition). And our hearts may well be sick. But is that the whole story? Are we required to reject and ignore the self to be a genuine disciple?
I once came across a meme that read something like, “Jesus never said ‘follow your heart.’ Don’t follow your heart - just read your Bible.”
Well, Jesus never said “Help the old lady carry her groceries to her car,” though I suspect He’d endorse it.
Let’s dig into three assumptions (underlying ideas) buried in the meme that are popular and pervasive today, but that also contribute to The Discipleship Dilemma.
Create in Me a Disconnected Heart
I suspect the idea that “following our hearts” is a poor choice is related to allowing our emotions to rule our decision-making (in modernity, the “heart” is often closely associated with our feelings).
The assumption that our emotions are bad and untrustworthy is popular in modern Christianity. We live in an era that prizes the intellect disproportionately over other elements of the human person. Decisions should be made with facts, data, and clear thinking. Truth is found in science, not the arts. Though every sales training program and untold numbers of Hollywood stories indicate we make many if not most decisions emotionally.
Instead of pausing to explore our feelings and emotions as indicators of what’s going on in our hearts, we’ve been taught to downgrade, ignore, or avoid them.
Yet, if human beings are made in the image of God, and God gave us emotions (which He expresses in the Bible with sometimes startling abundance and passion), dismissing them as wholly untrustworthy and unworthy of paying attention to is silly if not dangerous.
Does God not use circumstances, people, and events to guide and direct us? Why would He not also use our hearts, emotions, and intuitions? Perhaps our anger, joy, grief, or laughter are a means of motivating us and others to increase the kingdom through acts of love, empathy, or simply being with someone in their celebration or sorrow.
To reduce or negate our emotions is to reduce our humanity. This idea disconnects pieces of ourselves that should not and cannot be separated. We are integrated beings living in an integrated world. We can’t have a thought without an associated emotion, therefore we don’t make decisions with only our emotions or only our intellect. Why not honor (as well as be appropriately cautious of) both?
A Silver Bullet?
“Just read your Bible more” is the rallying cry of leaders who are (understandably) frustrated that it’s more accessible now compared to any other time in human history, yet biblical ignorance seems to be at an all-time high.
I get it, but is the Bible some sort of mystical silver bullet? Does reading our Bible more automatically lead to healthy spiritual formation? If we learn more, memorize more, and study more, does that necessitate that our hearts become more like Jesus?
Obviously not, since both demons and Pharisees know a whole lot of Scripture. And some of the most biblically literate people I’ve met are also the most arrogant.
Should we read our Bibles more? Well, it depends. If we find ourselves reading it to justify our harmful behaviors or we don’t recollect anything we’ve just read, we’d be better off doing something else.
If we’re chasing after Jesus, desperately wanting to be formed more like Him, and are willing to experience the confusion, wrestling, bewilderment, and wonder Scripture invokes, then by all means we should read our Bibles more.
Though it sounds very Christian, the well-intended warning to neglect our emotions and intuitions and “just read our Bibles” promotes the idea that the only possible way God speaks is through the Bible and that it will automatically transform our lives if we read it.
The Bible is the most extraordinary book in history, though it isn’t a magic wand. It’s not to be worshipped (as Jesus notes in John 5).
Truth is a Person. He has revealed Himself in His book, and He reveals Himself in a myriad of other ways, including sometimes in our hearts. He reveals Himself with absolute consistency and reliability, so it’s certainly imperative that we align our ideas with His. Let’s just respect His creativity and the wonder and mystery of the whole human person. A person worth exploring.
All We Need is Jesus…Sort of
My wife and I attended a church where a guest pastor preached on depression. He gave a wonderful and sensitive explanation of what it is, how it impacts people differently, and the internal struggles that often result. However, at the obligatory “application” end of his message, he concluded with this statement: “If you struggle with depression, it just means you need more Jesus. All you need is Jesus.”
I have no idea what he meant, and I don’t think he did either. And it seemed to me he was suggesting that anyone who suffers from depression isn’t a mature Christian.
I’ve been dealing with a bacterial chronic illness for the past year or so. Early on, I suffered from sudden and debilitating bouts of depression. Mental illness is not part of my story, so my primary doctor didn’t know what to do. Finally, a particularly relentless specialist ordered some robust blood work and discovered the infections had caused a critical shortage of vitamin D. Once she got my D levels up, the depression disappeared.
Did I need more Jesus or just more vitamins?
Did Jesus answer our prayers for help for my depression through a doctor’s experience and good testing? Absolutely. But that’s my point. Jesus used the specialist’s knowledge and the knowledge of self (my biological condition) to move me toward health.
It’s become common in modern Christianity to invoke Jesus’ name as the simplistic solution to everything. The problem is that doing so reduces both our vision of Him and the worldwide community of people through which He most often moves and works.
People with marvelous gifts, talents, stories, quirks, and idiosyncrasies. People worth knowing. People worth exploring. People with amazing stories.
Can self-knowledge turn into selfishness and self-worship? Sure. Yet for those journeying into deep discipleship, we live in a bit of a paradox. Exploring the depths of our hearts is a necessary element of deepening our self-giving love for others. Understanding why we think what we think, do what we do, relate like we relate, and behave like we behave is essential to cultivating a deeper love for God, others, and ourselves. The more we explore and understand our hearts, the more in tune we become with the heart of God and with those He invites us to serve.
If we are in Christ, we know He takes up residence in our hearts. If He finds our hearts valuable enough places to live, certainly they’re worth exploring.
Duc In Altum!
Brian
This Week on the Soil & Roots Podcast
We’re still on our relaxed summer podcast schedule, so here’s an archived episode that introduces The Discipleship Dilemma from a different perspective. It’s a short, audio-only look at how mundane, day-to-day aspects of our humanness reveal the true condition of our hearts - if we’re paying attention.
Listen here:
Buy the Book!
If you’re interested in exploring deep discipleship and Christian spiritual formation, the Soil & Roots book is a wonderful primer. Check it out and make sure to leave a review! Available in softcover and Kindle.
Why Is There No Option for a Paid Subscription?
I write on behalf of Soil & Roots, a Christian non-profit organization that works to cultivate deep discipleship through its content and through supporting small formative communities called Greenhouses. As such, our efforts are funded through donations and Substack doesn’t offer a donation option. If you wish to support the writing and the work of Soil & Roots, just visit our website and make your monthly, tax-deductible contribution there. Thanks!
Where Else Can I Find You?
Website (lots of info on Greenhouses, plus our blog and podcast library)
Spotify (complete podcast library)
Facebook (great community of folks venturing into deep disciples plus the obligatory memes)
YouTube (complete podcast library, including original audio episodes)
Instagram (I don’t really get the appeal of IG, but there you go)
Email me at fish@soilandroots.org or leave a comment on Substack.
Excellent assessment. Although we shouldn't let passions rule our logic, neither should we ignore the depths of our heart. After all, it was God's infinite love for humanity that prompted Him to descend to earth and become Jesus Christ. I'm thankful He listened to his heart.