Show Me See Some I.D.
Uncovering our False Selves in our Discipleship Journey
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We are in the middle of a long series of posts that explore The Great Omission. Why does modern Christianity struggle to help form genuine disciples of Jesus? We may worship God, learn about the Bible, and pray a lot. But why is modern Christianity also (unfortunately) characterized by so many qualities that we don’t find in Jesus? Why do so many question if we are experiencing what Jesus described as the “abundant life?”
If the point of the Christian life is to become more like our King over time, shouldn’t we find scores of people who we might confuse for Jesus because of their passion for unity, relational shrewdness, lack of anxiety, radical generosity, sacrificial lifestyles, gentle truthfulness, and immovable identity?
Doing vs. Being
One of the primary drivers of the present, shallow state of Western Christianity is a hyperfocus on doing versus being.
We are discovering that reframing our journey around who we are becoming versus what we are doing is best accomplished in small, committed gatherings (featuring time, habits, community, intimacy, and instruction), not by simply doing good Christian things. Unfortunately, many of us don’t have access to such ecosystems (and many aren’t aware of the need for such groups).
Jessica and I just finished attending a six-week group study on discipleship. The course focused on correct belief statements, getting involved in a local church, and quickly engaging in service. Predictably, the last chapter ended with “doing” passages centered around running the race, going out in the world, and cultural engagement.
These select passages only tell part of the story and, taken out of context, result in a reduced and surface understanding of a life with Jesus. The fruit of our lives (doing) is the result of our roots (being). And our roots are best explored, uncovered, and transformed with Jesus within small communities who gather for this express intention. In other words, our heart’s identity is best molded, loved, refined, and encouraged by intentional people who genuinely desire to know us and seek our goodness.
Judith Hougen writes
“Identity is the foundation of the journey with God, the very bedrock of the spiritual life. Identity involves how I see myself, how I view God, and how I understand life itself. All spiritual formation, every handhold to the next rung of holiness, hangs on how I resolve the question of who I really am.
Identity is always forged in and through relationships.”
Do our modern Christian gatherings and experiences focus on helping us uncover who we really are?
Who Are We?
Chances are the answer is no. In fact, the idea of authentic self-exploration is ignored, derided, or labeled as selfish in many faith organizations.
When it comes to examining our lives for sinful behaviors, many traditions earn gold stars. But what we are exploring is deeper than our behaviors. Spiritual formation is not simply about identifying all of our harmful tendencies.
James Finley writes
“The matter of who we are always precedes what we do. Thus, sin is not essentially an action but rather an identity. Sin is an orientation to falsity, a basic lie concerning our own deepest reality. Likewise, inversely, to turn away from sin is, above all, to turn away from a tragic case of mistaken identity concerning our own selves.”
As part of my recovery from a long-term illness, I’m part of a small group that meets weekly to explore and discuss the emotional and physical impact of our health struggles. I am, literally, the odd man out, as the five other members are women ranging from their late 50s through early 70s. They are an absolute delight.
None of them apprentice with Jesus, yet I find their company more authentic, encouraging, and Christ-like compared to many of my “Christian” relationships. That sounds awful as I write it, but at least in my experience, it’s true.
These women are deeply concerned for the well-being of the rest of the group. They ask curious questions. They are raw, unfiltered. They are empathetic, often mirroring each other's emotions and thoughts. They have no pretense. They aren’t vying for power, influence, or image. They simply show up each week to give their hearts to one another in the hopes that we all progress toward health and wholeness.
Many of my Jesus-following acquaintances have little interest in knowing themselves or others at this level. We seem to suffer from an intense, unspoken pressure to present our “false selves” to our friends and neighbors, one that looks like people secure in their identity in God because that is what we’re supposed to do.
The False Self
Hougen comments:
“The false self is the self created outside of the mind of God, the self that seeks existence apart from God. The false self is a facade that we construct in order to gain love and acceptance in the world, a mask of counterfeit adequacy. This mask is constructed of all the characteristics and qualities that we fiercely clutch as ours and want others to believe that we possess. It is our unreal identity, controlling and defining us…
The negative messages we receive from culture, parents, and other authority figures boil down to two ideas: we are irredeemably defective, and we need to earn love in order to receive love.”
This has been my experience with many people following Jesus (including myself). When we strip away outer manifestations of the false self, we function from the idea that we are beyond redemption and must perform for God.
The irony is inescapable, as both of those ideas are distinctively non-Christian. The extent to which these ideas have become so pervasive in modern Christianity is worthy of someone’s PhD thesis.
I have a good friend who cannot finish a conversation without telling me how financially secure he is. Regardless of the topic at hand, he will unconsciously weave in comments about how “God has blessed him” and how thankful he is that “God has provided the financial resources to live a great life.”
He reminds me of an NFL quarterback who raises his hands in praise to God when scoring a touchdown but gives no such indication when he fumbles a snap.
His false self, which operates under the idea that his worth is found in his business success, controls his words, actions, and relationships, yet he remains unaware of it. Though he looks, sounds, and acts like a secure “man’s man,” internally, he is struggling with deep insecurities caused initially by a terrible early childhood experience.
He prides himself on holding to Biblically accurate doctrine, but what good is that doctrine if he has not accepted Jesus’ invitation to be freed from his false self? His identity remains separated from Jesus, even as he quotes Scripture.
The Desperate Need for Small Communities
If we accept Hougen’s premise —that identity is the foundation of our journey with God and that we all suffer from a dualistic inner life (the false and true selves) —becoming a people whose identity is wrapped up only in Jesus is an urgent and essential priority.
God has wired us to become more secure in Him through small, intimate communities. The path to acknowledging and shedding our shadow selves winds its way through long-term, committed friendships.
This is why, for example, I maintain that mega and large churches can be very challenging environments in which to be discipled. The underlying ideas and drivers of such institutions work against our spiritual formation.
Additionally, we face numerous obstacles that deter us from self-examination and uncovering the false self in committed gatherings, including a constant victim mentality, petty doctrinal differences, Western individualism, perpetual fear stirred up by omnipresent media, frantic lifestyles, and financial comfort.
We’ll examine some of these obstacles in the next post. In the meantime, may we accept God’s invitation to look inward even as we seek to love outward…together!
Duc in Altum,
Brian
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